Tony's Dillemma
by rivendaen
Summary: It was an ordinary day at the office when Tony gets a visit from someone from his past. This will change his life forever. Chapter 2 added!
1. Chapter 1

5

_**Chapter 1**_

Tony was swinging from side to side in his swivel chair, staring at his computer monitor. On the screen was their suspect, John Hamilton. They had no leads and everyone was becoming stressed. They had been on this case for over two weeks, interviewed four people and followed one false lead. Across from him, sat Ziva. She was typing furiously at her computer. He wasn't sure what she was doing, but his mind was elsewhere. Gibbs sat at his desk talking on the phone and McGee was downstairs in autopsy.

"Ducky found ligature marks on our victim's neck," McGee's voice came from nowhere.

"And I have the results from the dirt under our victim's nails," Abby said excitedly, following McGee. Tony opened his mouth to speak when the elevator dinged down the corridor. A tall, dark haired man walked their way. Tony knew him as Jeff. He worked downstairs on reception. Behind Jeff was a tall dark haired woman, whose face he couldn't see. Tony shrugged and looked back to Abby, who was about to tell them what the weird substance from the dirt was. Instead, Jeff interrupted them.

"Sorry to interrupt," Jeff started. Everyone looked to him, he looked to Tony. "Agent Dinozzo, there is a Ms. Dinozzo here to see you," he said as the dark haired woman stepped from behind him and flipped her curly hair over her shoulder. Tony's eyes popped out of his head and he jumped to his feet. He knew he recognized those long slender legs, and that smooth olive complexion. She wore a short black skirt and a low cut, black and gold tank top. A 'visitor' tag was clipped to her top.

"Tony," she smiled, revealing white, sparkling teeth.

"Tony," Ziva repeated, "You never told us you had a sister." She smiled and walked their way. Tony groaned.

"She's not my sister," he started. "She's my wife."

McGee jumped to his feet and put his hands up. "Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. You have a wife?" he exclaimed. "How can YOU have a wife?" The lady laughed.

"I see you haven't mentioned me. How typical of you, Anthony," her voice purred as Tony had remembered and her laugh was as evil as before.

"Candy," Tony greeted through his teeth. She flashed that seductive smile his way.

"Anthony, no need to be hostile. I came here to give you what you want." She pulled a large brown envelope from her black leather bag and stepped toward him. She held it out to him. He grabbed it quick and examined it. "I'm sure you know what that is." She looked to the rest of the team, before she could say anything Tony spoke up.

"Why are you here?" he growled. Her eyes flickered to the envelope, but as she opened her mouth, he interrupted. "I mean, why did you come here? To the office?" She sighed and rolled her eyes.

"You don't answer your phone, and you're never home. It was only practical I would find you here." With the last word, she turned on her red high heel and began to walk away. Tony thought about stopping her. Thought about telling her how much he didn't want her go, what life was like without her. Empty and hopeless, but he couldn't, not in front of everyone, who, until this day, didn't even know she existed. Instead, he watched her walk away and disappear into the elevator, with Jeff on her heels. Now, he had to face everyone. As he turned around, he found them staring, unblinking, at him. Ziva had her arms crossed, McGee was in shock, Gibbs sat at his desk, and Abby looked confused. Gibbs was the first to break the silence, with a smile on his face.

"Good job, Dinozzo, she's pretty."

Tony stared at the large brown envelope while he swung back and forth in his chair. He knew what the contents were, but he was still scared to open it. After all these years, why now? He thought things were okay, apparently he was wrong. They hadn't spoken in almost two years. Why now? Maybe she found someone else and wanted to remarry. The thought made his heart ache. He knew they were never perfect for each other, but they always had fun together. Maybe that was the problem; he was too immature for her. He frowned.

"So, essentially, you're a cheater." Ziva's voice broke his concentration. His frown turned to a scowl as he looked up to meet her gaze. He knew she was referring to his womanizing. It was his way of drowning the pain and attempts to make him feel better.

"Shut up, Ziva!" he snapped as he jumped to his feet, knocking the envelope to the ground. "You don't know anything." She folded her arms in defense, but her expression softened.

"Then enlighten me." He narrowed his eyes and shook his head as he reached down to grab the envelope.

"I just want to be alone," he groaned as he grabbed his jacket and headed for the door.

"Tony-," Ziva started after him, Gibbs stopped her.

"Just let him go," he said. Ziva frowned and dragged her feet back to her desk, all the time watching Tony try to hide tears as he boarded the elevator.

Alone in his dimly lit kitchen, Tony was drinking his beer as he stared at the taunting envelope. He was gathering the courage to open it, but the more beer he drank, the more he thought about her. Those dark, gray-blue eyes, olive complexion, soft, red lips… The more he thought about it, the less he wanted to open it. He needed something harder, vodka, tequila. The beer wasn't strong enough. He got up and stumbled to the cupboard. Inside, he found a small bottle of whiskey, half empty and a bottle of vodka with around half left. Instead of looking for a glass, he opened the whiskey it and chugged what was left. It burned all the way down and left him lightheaded. Grabbing the vodka, he turned around.

With liquid courage, he staggered toward the island where the dreaded envelope lay. Without another thought, he ripped it open and pulled out the paperwork. With blurry vision, he struggled to read through it. The first page was standard information about him and her, the name of her lawyer and the reason for the document.

"Application for divorce," he sputtered as he picked up the bottle of vodka and took a swig. Carefully, he skimmed over the lengthy legal jargon. There were red dots where he was expected to sign. He was about ready to throw it down when a paragraph on the page caught his eye. "Custody and guardianship of the child shall remain with the applicant." He almost dropped the bottle in his hand. Quickly, he flipped the application over. Under their information it read _1 child_.

"What?" he exclaimed. He stumbled over to the phone, with a little luck and lots of concentration, he dialled Candy's number. It rang four or five times before a groggy voice answered.

"Hello?"

"How come you never told me?" he stammered.

"Anthony? Is that you?" she asked quietly. "Do you have any idea what time it is?" He glanced to the clock on the stove. It read 2:35am. He hadn't noticed. How long had he been drinking? It was daylight when he left the office. The sun was setting when he left the bar. The bar? He didn't remember going to the bar.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he slurred.

"Are you drunk?" she asked, ignoring his questions. Her voice was sharper now. "Anthony?" Listening to her say his name made his heart skip a beat.

"Umm…" he stuttered.

"Goodnight Anthony," she said harshly before the line went dead. Tony listened to the dial tone for a moment before hanging up. He stumbled over his own feet as he headed for the bedroom. He felt tears in the corners of his eyes. To dull the sting, he took another swill of vodka as he collapsed on his bed. A child. There was a child. How come she never told him?

The bright morning sun peaked through the curtains, a warm ray of sun shone directly on Tony's face. He slowly opened his eyes and squinted. His head throbbed terribly and his stomach was doing jumping jacks. A quick glance at the clock on his nightstand told him it was 10:30 am. Work. He was late for work. He jumped to his feet, only to fall back again. What happened last night? The last thing he remembered was throwing an empty tequila bottle at the wall. He glanced around his room. On the floor by the door was the broken tequila bottle.

"Where did I get tequila?" he asked himself. He didn't remember leaving the house. Where would he have gotten liquor that early in the morning anyway? He shook the thought away and tried to stand up again. The whole room began to spin. He collapsed on the bed again. Instead, he chose to lie down and cover his head with the blanket. His eyes slid shut and he fell back into sleep.

He dreamt of a hazy place with lots of people, he couldn't make out any faces. In the distance, a woman played with a small child. He couldn't make out if it was a boy or girl. He walked closer, but was stopped by an invisible wall. He banged on the glass and shouted as loud as he could.

"Candy! Candy! How could you do this to me? I loved you!" The woman picked up the child and began walking his way. Indeed, she was Candy, but taller, with lighter skin. The child she carried was a boy, about 2, with curly dark hair. His features resembled Tony, but he had his mother's eyes. Those piercing gray eyes. Tony tried to speak, but the woman grinned and her eyes stared accusingly at him.

"Why did you leave us Anthony? We needed you." Her voice was soft and innocent, quiet. Nothing like Candy's.

"I didn't leave you. I didn't know. If I had known I would stay and take care of you-." She didn't let him finish.

"You left us Anthony. You left us alone. All alone…" She and the boy drifted into the distance. Tony pounded on the glass as hard as he could, screaming for them. They disappeared and everything went white.

_Clunk_. Tony hit the floor hard, not missing the nightstand on his way down. His eyes fluttered open. Everything was blurry. What was that incessant ringing in the distance? As he came to, the ringing got louder. The sun was no longer shining through the curtains, but it was still daylight. It took all his strength to push himself up. He rested against his bed. Throbbing pain seared through his head. He placed his hand on his forehead. A little blood trickled down his fingers.

The ringing continued. It took him a moment to realize it was the phone. Slowly, he climbed to his feet and stumbled down the hall into the living room. The phone had stopped ringing, so he took a seat on the couch. On the counter he could see the papers. The cause of this mess. He jumped when the phone began to ring again. On the coffee table where he left it, he reached for it and checked the number. Ziva. It rang a few more times before he chose to answer it.

"Hello?" he said groggily.

"Tony! Where are you?" she shouted. He glimpsed to the phone in his left hand, the landline.

"Home, obviously," he replied.

"I know that!" she sounded frustrated. "I mean why aren't you at work? Did something happen? Are you okay? I was going to come by if you didn't answer soon."

"I'm fine, Ziva," he reassured her, even though he didn't feel convinced.

"Fine?" she repeated. "If you're fine, how come you texted me, McGee and Abby in the middle of the night saying your life wasn't worth living and you wish you were dead?" Tony shook his head.

"What?" He glanced to his cell phone on the island counter. He didn't remember sending any text messages. He got up and walked over to the kitchen and picked up his phone. Twelve text messages and fourteen missed calls. "Sorry Ziva, I had a bad night last night."

"Well we're all worried about you," she said, more calm now.

"All?" he repeated.

"Well, Gibbs insists you're fine and you just need some time off. Evidently he didn't get your text message," Ziva explained. Tony shook his head.

"I need to lie down, sorry I worried you guys," he said before hanging up. When he placed the phone on the counter, he checked the time. 6:45 pm. Wow, what a wasted day. He picked up the divorce papers. He kept rereading, _1 child_. Who was this child? How old were they? Was it a boy or girl? Images from his dream ran through his mind over and over. He couldn't call her right now. He had to take some time to clear his head. He needed someone to talk to. Who? As he was sitting down, there was a knock on the door.

Who was here? He groaned and returned to his feet. He dragged his feet to the door and swung it open. On the other side stood Gibbs with two cups of coffee, he handed one to Tony and invited himself in.

"Boss," Tony greeted, aware that he looked dishevelled and smelled like he needed a shower.

"I let you be because I figured you needed some time," Gibbs started, "I know how tough it is to go through a divorce." He made his way to the living room, Tony followed. They both took a seat on the couch. "If you need to talk-," Tony cut him off.

"There's so much going through my mind, boss, I don't know where to start," he blurted.

"Just breathe and talk when you're ready." Truthfully, Tony wasn't ready to talk about it. To divulge his feelings and concerns about this divorce was too much. He knew Gibbs understood, but he didn't want to tell anyone just yet. He thought he was ready to talk about it, instead, all he felt was anxiety and he wanted to go back to bed. Gibbs stood up.

"I'm here when you're ready Dinozzo," he said before heading for the door. He glanced back quickly. "I just came by to tell you to take as much time as you need. Your job isn't going anywhere." Tony watched him leave. He never understood Gibbs, but what he did understand was his concern for him. He had come by instead of calling to make sure everything was okay. Tony stared at his coffee. What was he going to do now?


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

The entire apartment was dark; there was no light except the moonlight peeking through the curtains. It was a clear Thursday night. In the distance, ambulances and fire trucks whizzed by. All Tony could do was lie on his couch. He desperately wanted to call Candy, but he couldn't gather the courage. The papers rested on his stomach, moving up and down in rhythm with his breathing. He could hear his heart pounding; it ached in sorrow and anger. Why had she kept this from him?

In his left hand, he held his cell phone. Maybe he could text her. That seemed cowardly, but so was drinking his pain away. He wanted to face her. He let his eye lids fall shut as he thought about the moment they met.

It was his first week of college. The warm September sun was beating down on his back as he shot some hoops with a few colleagues. He was taking a water break when one of the guys threw the ball his way. He ducked to avoid it. When he didn't hear it bounce on the pavement, he looked over. In the sun's rays stood a tall, tanned woman in cut off shorts and a black tube top. Her belly button was barely visible, but he could see a shiny piercing clipped to it. Her long brown hair was tied back in a loose ponytail and a few loose wisps of hair floated across her forehead.

"You boys lose something?" she asked. Her voice was a smooth purr and she wore a friendly smile. Tony went to speak, but water poured out of his mouth. Embarrassed, he turned away and wiped his chin with the hem of his shirt. She laughed.

"Here," she said as Tony looked back to her. She tossed the ball in the air, and from her distance, landed it in the basket. The boys gasped in shock.

"Nice shot," Tony finally said. "You play?" She laughed as if he had told a funny joke.

"I'm here on a basketball scholarship," she explained. Tony smiled and took a few steps her way.

"I'm Tony," he said as he held his hand out to shake hers. She took it.

"Candice, but everyone calls me Candy," she smiled. "I got to get to class," she said as she let go of his hand. He was reluctant to let go of hers. There was something captivating about her. He watched her walk away toward the Arts building.

A police car whirring by his window brought Tony back to the present. The loud sirens hurt his ears and aggravated his hangover. He still held the phone in his hand. The decision to call her was a difficult one, so he sat up and put the phone down. Some more coffee might do the trick, he thought. He slowly got up and made his way to the kitchen. He knew it had to be late, after ten at least. A glance at the stove clock confirmed his assumption.

It had been two days since Tony had left his apartment. He hadn't showered or shaved, he wore only his red plaid boxers and a white, coffee stained shirt. It was Saturday afternoon and he knew he should do something to occupy his mind. Ziva had texted him and invited him for coffee; he declined. McGee was bothering him to get out as well, and Abby had called four times in the last hour. He didn't answer, so she texted him and wanted him to come out for lunch with her, Palmer and Palmer's fiancée. Again, he declined.

Deciding it was a good time; he jumped in the shower and let the hot water drown his thoughts away. After fifteen minutes, he got out and shaved. In his room he found a clean shirt and a pair of comfortable jeans. He grabbed his car keys and headed out the door. Once he got in his car, he wasn't sure where he was going, so he drove around town till he found himself at Gibbs' house.

When he got to the door, he let himself in. Knowing he'd find Gibbs in the basement, that's where he headed. Once there, he found Gibbs working on a yet to be recognized project.

"I was expecting you Dinozzo," he greeted, without looking up.

"Hey boss."

"I see you finally showered and left the house. You're less scruffy too," he laughed. Tony rubbed his smooth chin.

"Yah," he murmured.

"How are you feeling? Not hungover, I hope," Gibbs asked. Tony shook his head and took a seat beside Gibbs, who stopped working and looked to his comrade. "She was very special?" Tony nodded.

"I loved her, boss. The only woman I ever _truly_ loved," he said sadly. Gibbs nodded, but said nothing. Tony continued, "We went to college together. The first time I met her, I knew she was the one. I messed up bad, I should have followed her. I was young and stupid." Gibbs watched him.

"What are you gonna do about it?" he asked. Tony frowned. He didn't have the answer to that question. He'd thought about signing the papers, but the idea of a child stopped him. He had to know who this child, his child, was before he could proceed any further.

"There's a child," he blurted before he could censor himself. "I had no idea." Gibbs raised a brow.

"She never told you?" Tony shook his head. "And you're sure this child is yours?" Tony stared at his boss.

"Why else would it be in the divorce settlement?" he asked. Gibbs shrugged.

"She might be trying to get money out of you," he suggested. Tony's heart sank at the thought. Candy was always determined to have lots of money, but she wanted to earn it honestly. She wouldn't cheat him, would she?

"I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet. It was such a shock to see her the other day; I'm still caught up in everything. I wish this was easier," Tony sighed. Gibbs placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I know you will make the best choice for you," he said with a smile. Tony didn't feel reassured, he felt worse. Maybe it was time to put this all behind him and move on. After all, he hadn't seen her in nearly two years. Why should he bother now? But it kept running through his mind, _1 child_.

That night, Tony lied awake in his bed. It was a dark night. The clouds covered the city and the dim street lights were too far down to illuminate his room. He couldn't get to sleep. Instead, his mind was determined to do more reminiscing. He faded into the past, and the memories came flooding back.

He and Candy had been hanging out regularly, usually shooting hoops or running laps around the track. Tony wanted to ask her out on a real date. They had done lunch and coffee, the occasional movie and just hanging out in the common room.

"Candy?" Tony found her in the library studying for her English final. She was majoring in journalism and wanted to be a world famous writer someday. She looked up from her notebook and smiled when she seen him.

"Anthony," she greeted. . He groaned, since she had found out his full name, she preferred to use it. As she watched him approach her, she removed her small frame glasses. They looked so good on her, like a naughty librarian. He scolded himself for thinking that way about her. She was beautiful and deserved to be treated with respect.

"Uh, hi," he stuttered, losing his words. She laughed. It was like music to his ears and his heart melted.

"I'm trying to finish my exam for the final. I can't take a coffee break," she said. He shook his head as he took a deep breath and gathered courage.

"I wasn't thinking coffee," he said quietly. Curiosity flooded her eyes. "I was thinking much more." There was a silence between them, he felt awkward, but she didn't seem to flinch. "Um… maybe dinner? A movie?" he murmured, a lump forming in his throat.

"You mean a date?" she asked. He swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded.

"Yes?" he squeaked. It was more of a question than a response. She stood up and chuckled as she walked his way. His body stiffened when she stopped in front of him. A big smile crossed her lips and she kissed him on the cheek. He felt his cheeks burning as they turned red.

"I would love to," she replied. She said yes, he thought. He was elated. She turned around and went back to her table.

"Saturday?" he asked. She nodded.

"See you then," she replied as she sat down. He had to contain his excitement as he left the library. _She said yes_.

When Tony woke up the next morning, the clouds hadn't parted and he could hear rain on the window. It was morning, his clock told him it was after eight. As he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, his cell phone rang. He reached over to his night stand and checked the caller id. It was Gibbs. He reluctantly answered.

"Boss," he greeted.

"Are you feeling up to coming in today?" Gibbs asked. Tony thought about it. Work would take his mind off things.

"I'd love to," he responded.

"Office, fifteen minutes," Gibbs ordered before hanging up. Tony pulled himself out of bed and headed for his closet. He dressed himself in a simple suit and dress shoes. In the bathroom, he brushed his teeth and ran gel through his hair. It stuck up just the way he liked it. With a weak smile, he grabbed his stuff and headed for the office.


End file.
